Embrace the darkness; emerge on the other side

I remember feeling depleted, low, and just really, really sad for weeks on end. I would dive deep down into my own dark void, and nobody, no matter how hard they tried could meet me there. I was wounded and I felt like I had no one else to hold onto. It was my journey into darkness.

In that dark, dark place there were only crows. No birds singing to remind me of daylight, no green grass, no warm-fuzzies. My words didn’t matter and my voice would never be heard.

Just one big dark crater that I had to stare at all by myself. I cried tears that melted into my skin and began to heal the cracks. I cried for myself. I slept a lot. And then I began to wake up, slowly… and started to prepare for my journey back to myself. It was not about doing anything. In fact it was the opposite. It was in “notdoing” that I started to get back home. I began to trust my darkness. It was while I was in the dark that my deepest nature was retrieved. I spent time learning about myself again and gave it voice. I began to feel stronger, both mentally and physically. What I was going through was a process that allowed me to see just how deep I was. I saw that I was magical enough to have the kind of depth in me to be able to reach into and still survive.

I began to see and feel my softness again. I was more gentle. Through my yoga practice my natural hyperness turned into fluidity and grace, and I felt grounded and capable. After more time, I finally returned to the world again, changed. Healthy. A strong woman. 

Being depressed was my gift. It forced me to listen to my body and explore the true nature of my self. Four years later and I feel completely different. I listen to my body every day and honor it’s time to rest and delve into darkness every now and again. It is cyclical and constant.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again, honor and welcome the darkness. Sit alone with it and confront it. Water your barren cave and hang out with your own insides. Nourish yourself elementally. Get back to you; the beaming, happy, kind, warm and fuzzy, you.

Try this:·Find a comfortable seat somewhere quiet, or somewhere without too many distractions and close your eyes and exhale all the air out of your body. Then, inhale slowly for 1,2,3,4,5, mentally say the word “healing.” Hold the air in for another five count, and exhale slowly, whle mentally saying the word “suffering.” Repeat this exercise five times. 

Do this every morning when you wake up and every night before bed for a week and notice the immediate flip in your perspective and in your attitude. Reach out and please tell me how it has been working for you after a few days. This simple meditation changed my life.

Allow yourself healing time, gather your wholeness, and find your voice again. It’s there. Stroll gently and alone through darkness to find yourself, and know that we are all out here waiting for you and supporting you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. See you soon.

Danielle Spillman is a local certified yoga teacher, health enthusiast and writer. You can find more of her musings at www.findyourlightyoga.com.