It could have been the unkindest cut of all, Dr. Conkel says

Mr. Sells called one afternoon to say that he had a large boar that he wanted to have “cut.” 

He made an appointment  for him, and I drove out to his farm the next day.

Mr. Sells met me in the front of the barn, and said the boar was inside.

“It’s a very large boar,” he said.

I gathered together the instruments and anesthetic for the surgery and walked into the barn with him.

When I saw the animal, I had to agree with him. The boar weighed more than 900 pounds. I told him that I would have to mix up more anesthetic. 

I went back to the truck less than light-hearted and began to mix another bottle. 

When I returned to the barn, I began to explain to Mr. Sells what we were about to do.

“First, I’ll rope the boar and tie him to this beam.”

“I don’t think it will hold him,” Mr. Sells said.

I looked at the 8- by 10-inch beam that was supporting the center of the barn.

“It will have to hold him because it’s all we have,” I told him.

I explained to Mr. Sells that once we had the boar snubbed up, I would inject the general anesthetic into the animal’s testicles. When enough of the drug was absorbed into the boar’s circulation to cause him to go unconscious, I would castrate the beast.

“Wa, wa, well, Doc,” stammered Mr. Sells. “I only wanted to have his tusks cut off. He’s my prize boar. He won the the top place at the state fair last year.”

(Dr. Fred Conkel is a large-animal veterinarian, and runs Westgate Veterinarian Clinic.)